I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
