Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
