my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I am one with the molecules
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
