Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
