batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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