it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
