Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
