We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
