Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Boobs are out for the taking
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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