I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
