you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
