I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
