I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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