my mouth tastes like poor choices
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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