i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
