what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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