i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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