Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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