Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
im six kinds of drunk right now
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
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