Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I see more hoeing in ur future
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