Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize