No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
