is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
