Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Randomize
