I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
