My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
