Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
