how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
