haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
