I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
