Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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