you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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