So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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