He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
