"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize