dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize