It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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