I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
