i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize