it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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