dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
sex in a hospital.. check
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
