pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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