The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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