Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
