for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
