i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
