Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
