She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
