the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
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