Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
