On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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