how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
