Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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