Soap is not a condiment
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
