He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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