i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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