What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I think im going to throw up on grandma
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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