Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
