Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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