Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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