meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
