wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I am naked and annoyed.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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