you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
