you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
