if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
