I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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