I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
