so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
