my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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