It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I think my moral compass just broke
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
