dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
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