When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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