she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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