Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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