You're completely useless in the revolution.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
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