how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
