it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
