just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
