All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
