Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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